Um… I’m scared

No, this isn’t about something stupid.

… Okay, it kind of is.

I’m starting to freak out a little because I don’t know what to do and I’m having a hard time making up my mind and that’s what blogging was really good for when I was doing it so much more a few years ago because it really helps me put all my thoughts in order and to figure out what the fuck I want to do and can I make this any more of a run on sentence? YES.

Oh, you want to know what I’m talking about? (Of course you don’t.) Here goes:

I bought an apartment many years ago (maybe about 7), right before the real estate boom in my city. I literally lucked out. A month later, and my place would have sold for tens of thousands more than I paid for it. Of course, if I had been smarter, I would have paid about the same for a place that was nicer with 1 more bedroom a few years before that. BUT I DIGRESS.

So, for the last few years, after my … strange work situation (I don’t want to talk about it), I decided it was safer and would help me keep my apartment if I moved in with family (sigh) and rented my place out. I found a lovely old couple (they’re in their 70s, I’m not just being rude) and they’ve been delightful renters for the most part.

Recently, I’ve been feeling… confined. I’m not a real big people person (stop laughing) and I feel like I’m surrounded with family even locked away in my room. There’s no reprieve from them. I love them, don’t get me wrong. There’s not one who’s (whose?) death I’m actively advocating for (there are a couple I wouldn’t shed tears for but that’s another story) and they are very kind to me, very nurturing.

So… my renters are moving out. They’re old (like I said) and their daughter who used to live across the street now lives in another city. Same with their son that was just down the block. Their other daughter lives in the same city but with all the weird traffic issues, she’s about 30 minutes away. They’re starting to have more serious health issues and their 3rd child (the daughter who lives in the city) wants to live with them to take care of them.

She’s sweet, if a bit shrill. Though I’m sure some would say that about me as well. Though instead of “shrill”, they may say “bitchy”. And they wouldn’t include sweet.

So, they’re looking to find a larger place where they’ll all fit and that’s definitely not my apartment.

Now I have a choice. I can move back in to my own apartment or I can rent it out. Yes, yes, I could also sell the apartment but right now, that’s not one of the options I’m looking at.

So, if I rent it out, I would leave everything as is. It would save me some money, I could look into buying something a little bigger with better amenities (like insuite laundry. Dear god, insuite laundry is underrated) and I could build a little real estate empire (I’ve mentioned I’m a little grandiose sometimes, yes?).

But if I move back in, I would change the flooring and I’d want to update the bathroom first. It’ll cost a bit and be a bitch and a half, plus also slowing down how many courses I can take at one time because I wouldn’t have the extra money kicking around. At the same time, I would salvage my brain and lower the chances of me going on a killing spree.

So seriously, it’s a choice between preventing a killing spree and building a real estate empire. HOW DO I CHOOSE BETWEEN THEM?!

Did I mention I also hate my kitchen? I hate it so much. Of course, that one isn’t as big a deal. The appliances are fine but the cabinets. Oh god, the cabinets.

But the freedom to be pantsless at any time of the day! I know I haven’t mentioned how much I like to be pantsless lately but that’s because I CAN’T BE BECAUSE OF ALL THE DAMN PEOPLE IN THE HOUSE. Oh, the pantslessness. I miss you so much.

I’d do a survey but I don’t know how and it just seems like too much work. So maybe just leave comments. You’re all smart(ish. Oh, yeah, I’m talking about you, FakeSmartie. I see you) and I’d like to know your opinion.

So, what do you think?

Edited to add: Wait, did I convey how worried I am about being poor? I am VERY worried about being poor. I’m not good at poor. I forget to do things and then I’m eating ketchup packets for dinner. AND I’M ALLERGIC TO CORN SYRUP! Oh god. I’ve gotten used to being fed. I need to be an adult again.

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12 Responses to Um… I’m scared

  1. Kelly says:

    I would move into the apartment. I am not good at being around people all the time and I like to be in pajamas whenever I am (a) not at work or (b) around people. Living with people all the time (even my family, who I love very much) would be the death of me.

    • lostdwarf says:

      Yeah, it’s been three years and I’m trying to keep myself from snapping at everyone. It makes me feel bad because they’re not doing anything wrong but it just feels like they’re SMOTHERING me. Maybe I should sell the place and use that money to find something else. I don’t know how quickly my place would be snapped up though.

  2. doranyc says:

    Move back in to your apartment. See how it goes. You can always move back out!

    • lostdwarf says:

      DORA! How have you been?!

      I thought about the moving in and out scenario and it’s tempting. I just… I hate the act of moving and the idea of having to do it in a short space of time makes me feel nuts.

      Need to think.

      But seriously, how have you been?!

      • doranyc says:

        GOOD! Sorry I’m just now checking back in. WP does not make it easy to track conversations with people. Annoying. Anyhoodles, I’m doing great and I hope you are too, sounds like it despite this conundrum. Stop by me blog. xoxo

  3. Don’t think. Just move back into your apartment. You wouldn’t enjoy your real estate empire from behind bars. 😉

    Can you take a month after they leave to get it painted, replace the kitchen cabinets, etc. Whatever would make you crazy to look at, FIX now! Once you move in, you’ll just grumble every single time you look at it and if you fix it now, you’ll smile. That is worth a LOT of money. As is your peace of mind and your unending joy in pantlessness.

    Don’t second guess yourself, just DO IT! (Having lived in an overcrowded apt. for decades without changing stuff gives me the right to capslock on this subject! I AM THE EMBODIMENT OF DON’T DO WHAT I DO, DO WHAT I SAY.) LOL


    • lostdwarf says:


      I think, if I decide to move back, I’ll take at least a month to re-do the floors and the bathroom at minimum. There are a lot of things I can ignore in a kitchen as long as I can take a long bath! I think I’d have to do it that way because I literally hated the sight of my bathroom. It’s just… this all takes so much damn money! Stupid money.

      Maybe I’ll do what the Almanac says and wait to move in on a New Moon. Supposedly that’s good for money things. Can’t hurt!

  4. crystal says:

    I agree with the others – do it! You can always move back out later if you need to for financial reasons. For now, for the sake of your own sanity, do it!

    • lostdwarf says:

      I know. It’s like these last few days have been trying to show me how much some of these people drive me absolutely freaking nuts.

  5. robpixaday says:

    I’m terrified of being poor. No wait, I am poor. And I’m still terrified.
    And I hate having to live around other people unless I love them a lot and even then it’s a struggle. Are we related?

    Anyway…….no advice here, except to make yourself happy. Like not-killing-anyone happy.
    If you rent it out you’ll have the standard landlady headaches with new (UNKNOWN!!!!!!!!!!!!!) tenants and you’ll still be living with your family. Could that be happy?

    If it were me, I’d move to the apartment, fix it up as much as I could/was able/wanted to and enjoy my life for a while. Then I’d get back to work building my empire. Maybe the real estate market will be better then?

    • lostdwarf says:

      And with that, you’ve come to the decision that’s taken me 3 days to come to 🙂

      I’m going to renovate before I move back (just the flooring and the bathroom first and then save up to redo the kitchen, the closets and all the doors) then I’ll live there for a few years until my mortgage terms comes up and then I’ll sell it and buy something else or just buy something else.

      It’s nice to have a plan!

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